Developing a Sense of Greater Family to Include Those Beyond our Immediate Relations – Episode 49

Developing a Sense of Greater Family to Include Those Beyond our Immediate Relations - Episode 49Robert encourages us this week to really do our best to listen to our most heartfelt selves. Let us bring as much realism as possible to our imagination of caring for ourselves, our nuclear families, our global family, and our precious planet earth. We have not been taught to do this or how to do this. In this episode, we are given guidance.  If we can expand our caring we can begin to embrace our global challenges. It is not required for us to be from a particular religion or spirituality. From wherever you start,  we can naturally expand our hearts and actions beyond the smaller group we normally give to. We are being encouraged, not out of guilt, but to check into our unique hearts and reach from there. To work towards being able to say, I’ve never met you, but because I realize the world and our country is seriously suffering,  I want to ask, how can I help?   We can then look for who we might be able to have contact with.

As we are doing this, we must also look at our inner enemies. They come in the form of doubt, hatred, skepticism, or perhaps a fixed sense of despair, and withdrawal. Robert helps to coax us into examining and caring for these shadows. For these are the inner enemies that reinforce the outer enemies that we project. We are all capable of increasing our capacity for a good vibe, and that good vibe can translate into more tolerance and new actions.

Mentioned in this episode
The Global Bridge Foundation

Note: Below, you’ll find timecodes for specific sections of the podcast. To get the most value out of the podcast, I encourage you to listen to the complete episode. However, there are times when you want to skip ahead or repeat a particular section. By clicking on the timecode, you’ll be able to jump to that specific section of the podcast

Announcer: (00:00)
The Missing Conversation, Episode 49.

Robert Strock: (00:03)
We need to be stronger too. And we need to take a look at our loyalties and how much we need to move toward a greater sense of family, rather than being identified with just our nuclear family.

Announcer: (00:21)
On this podcast, we will propose critical new strategies to address world issues, including homelessness, immigration, amongst several others and making a connection to how our individual psychology contributes and can help transform the dangers that we face. We will break from traditional thinking, as we look at our challenges from a freer and more independent point of view. Your host Robert Strock has had 45 years of experience as a psychotherapist, author, and humanitarian and has developed a unique approach to communication, contemplation and inquiry. Born from working on his own challenges.

Robert Strock: (00:59)
A very warm welcome again to The Missing Conversation where we give it our all to address the most pressing issues that the world’s facing today and where we look for the most practical, inspiring programs and innovative ideas to support a greater chance for survival of our planet, our country, ourselves, our kids, our grandkids. And today, we’re going to continue to focus on this deeper essence of what I believe is a core tenant of an essential life, no matter how we frame it. And it relates so much to how we support this survival of our planet and this caring for those that are most destitute. And as I mentioned in the last episode, we had a bit of an awakeness, not to be confused with wokeness, that loving our enemies was a bit too far and that barely tolerating them and being open to soften the hatred, soften the reactivity, soften the violence.

Robert Strock: (02:22)
And at the same time instead know that we can protect ourselves with very firm boundaries with a strength. So, it’s really developing a soft strength or more accurately, a softness when that can apply or a softer quality of tolerance or bare tolerance, and a much stronger quality of animalistic strength and boundaries that could involve jailing. It could involve a certain kind of, uh, necessity to really be watchful of groups, of people that are violent and putting out a clear message of something like you are on probation that we need to be stronger with people who are challenging truth and challenging all the best institution of our democracy, challenging the survival of the world. We need to be stronger too. And we need to take a look at our loyalties and how much we need to move toward a greater sense of family rather than being identified with just our nuclear family.

Robert Strock: (03:45)
And yes, depending on the conditions you’re in, in some cases, it does mean giving a percentage more to the greater family, but this needs to become a normal part of conversation. It can’t be a missing conversation anymore. This needs to be your conversation. This needs to be billions of conversations. Now, when I have visited third-world countries, this is actually pretty obvious in the villages. It’s only not obvious to people that have, and people that have nots and are angry at the people that have. But if you go to third-world countries where they’re not that exposed to haves, this is pretty intuitively obvious. My experiences is already 2 or 3 billion people that are in sync with this. And then there’s a lot of pregnant people who realize, you know what, we have to go through a change and we’re not gonna make it. The tangible change is this mixture of not allowing our hatred to just keep expressing itself even to our friends and family. And instead, we need to stay in the gap of how are we going to capture the majority of people to love the truth. In that case, I can say love, to love our democracy, and I can say love there. And I can say love the planet, cuz that’s appropriate, but loving our enemies, no, tolerating and getting stronger at the same time. So, I’d like to start off, you know, today again, introducing my closest friend forever, almost, and my partner at the Global Bridge Foundation.

Dave: (05:39)
Hi, it’s Dave here and thank you, Robert. Um, these last episodes, um, and, and I know what we’re going to move into today of, um, a great potential to, to move people. Um, I think to get it and move it to each almost cellular level, you know, conversational levels between people, between family members, between friends or former friends, friends that you see moving in directions that make no sense to you and, and giving a, a, a kernel of connection, uh, which is what you’re offering and developing and presenting is so important. And thank you.

Robert Strock: (06:28)
Well, I, I so appreciate the focus on the positive element of this with the strength, because it’s so easy to see this as just a downer and that’s missing the point or more accurately, it’s missing half the point. Yes, half of it really is the biggest downer of my life, but the other half is the biggest inspiration of my life and that potential for all of us to make this evolutionary change to greater family versus nuclear family or more accurately greater family and nuclear family is really a big humongous shift. Now it’s important that even though I’m speaking passionately and strongly, this is not meant to hit the place inside you that’s a, should. I’m not saying that you should do this. I’m actually attempting to reach a part of you that wants this, that realizes, oh, this would be my most fulfilling life because if I only hit a should, I know it’s going nowhere.

Robert Strock: (07:53)
It’s only, if you can see this, isn’t a sacrifice, this is taking care of your kids or your kids’ kids or your friends’ kids. If you don’t have kids or your friends’ kids’ kids, this is the way that you are giving the best chance for not only the greater family, but your family to survive and thrive. And can you even get a glimpse? Makes me think of John Lennon and Imagine, can you even get a glimpse if somewhere approximating the majority of the world started to redefine what family means? What would that mean to our defense departments? What would that mean as to how much energy we could convert gradually? And again, please don’t hear this on an idealistic level. None of this is gonna happen overnight, but if this insight starts to become conversations, there can be a 10% reduction in defense spending. That’s agreed to by the major powers, cuz they all realize that their lives are threatened.

Robert Strock: (09:04)
And I don’t believe this is gonna happen from the top down until the bottom up reaches. That means you. That means you and your conversations. That means you and it being a different version of common sense. Now I’m asking you right now to reflect on where this is hitting you. Is this hitting you in a yeah, you know what, it makes sort of sense and I should do this, but I’m too busy with just surviving. I don’t have enough time to, to really do this. Is that where it’s hitting you or maybe you’re wealthy and you’re going, oh, this pontificator, I can’t stand him. I don’t know. I’m, I’m gonna turn him off now. I, I just can’t, you know, I can barely stand to hear that. And he’s saying, he’s not saying he should, but he’s telling me he wants my money. You know, or maybe it’s hitting a place inside you that’s going, you know what, I really agree, but I can’t see how I would even make a move.

Robert Strock: (10:05)
So, just look at where it’s touching you cuz that’s what matters. You know what I’m saying, to me doesn’t matter much because I’m already hearing me most of the time. So, the question is, can you see that no matter where it touches you, that one inch moving in that direction, at least one inch is what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about anything. That’s gonna hit a part of you. That’s saying this is what you should do. But I do believe that if your heart stays open, if you’re religious or spiritual spirit stays open, you’re gonna wanna move an inch. If your soul, if your spirit is really open, if your integrity, your character is really open to listen to what’s being said, and it’s especially true.

Robert Strock: (11:08)
If what you feel is okay, I can see that it’s true with the founder of my religion or my spiritual approach, that tolerance and my brother and sister, I can see that that’s true, but not when it comes to people that are questioning the truth. So don’t forget as you’re thinking about this, that you have both ends of a spectrum available to you. That means with every family member, with every friend, with every political party, with every other religion, you can set the boundaries wherever you believe. It’s sensible for the benefit of the greater family. Now let’s have a triangle, there’s you, there’s me and there’s the founder of your religion. And imagine there’s that conversation and let yourself listen. Is he or she saying to you love your religion. Stay true to the church, stay true to the temple or is the message, all people are included.

Robert Strock: (12:22)
All living beings are included. The planet is a living being, what is the conversation? What is your conversation? And let this be something that hopefully doesn’t require a podcast to stimulate it in you. The whole premise or prayer of what is being spoken is for this to be contagious. And again, to touch a part of you, that is your best self. And when I am having conversations with clients and friends there really isn’t much disagreement about what would be most true or touching. It’s just that it requires a reorganizing the brain at first. The heart, the soul already knows this, but the actions, the habits, the thoughts are loyal as we really emphasized in the last podcast. To the family and to the religion or to the spirituality or to the belief system that we have, which is to some extent exclusive.

Dave: (13:47)
To turn this on its head for one moment, I have been seen as we have talked about, really over the last three episodes, at least, uh, as the barely tolerable enemy, I have been seen with what I consider to be my truth as something that somebody is saying, you’re a danger to me, you’re endangering our world and it all feels so upside down. And yet that’s how I experience others viewing me at different times.

Robert Strock: (14:30)
Say more about how you see people seeing you as endangering the world.

Dave: (14:36)
So for example, giving, uh, giving to certain what I would call worthwhile charities, uh, giving to political organizations, uh, supporting let’s say what I would call, uh, progressive or the kinds of political leaders that would want to be more inclusive would want to address poverty would want to address making sure that there is a safety net for the have nots. And so, the people I know that are haves are saying, you know, you’re, you’re basically just wanting my money. I mean, that’s, that’s kind of the most benign, really element of it.

Robert Strock: (15:25)
Well, that’s such a core suffering place for the last 40 years of my life of being viewed as a rebel, a guilt tripper, hostile authoritarian, arrogant, and the list could go on and the appeal needs to be emphasizing. What I just was starting to emphasize, which is I don’t want to hit your guilt. I’m asking you to listen from what you believe is your best self, your best sense of living your life. And if you disagree with me and you don’t believe being inclusive and you don’t believe that families need to expand beyond families, turn me off, cuz we’re not going anywhere. Anyway.

Robert Strock: (16:31)
It’s only, if you can see yourself, let’s just say being pregnant with being pregnant, where you aren’t there yet, but it is intriguing or you could see that it could be inspiring, but you just can’t see any way for it to happen. You are the ones that I’m talking to. It’s very hard to see tangibly how this can happen. Now, what I see with a slight divergence are thousands of very, very brilliant creative people who are working on uniting this greater family, that there are a tremendous amount of people that are really good and are starting to find each other more and more and more and are already in this place.

Robert Strock: (17:36)
But it’s not in the media, it’s not common conversation. This is way behind the scenes. This is foundations doing their work. This is some spiritual and religious paths doing their work. This is some good-natured people, really being helpful to anybody that can be helpful toward. Now I heard a recent story of a, a celebrity with somebody that was in the hospital and facing serious surgery. And she came forward like a noncelebrity and said to the person that was suffering, who happened to be a friend of mine, as you’re dealing with this, look for the next actionable intelligence, the next way that you can respond to the moment and don’t go way out in the future, cuz you’ll drive yourself crazy with all the anxiety of what could happen. This could, this cancer could move here, and it could move there and it could move here and it could move there.

Robert Strock: (18:49)
No go to the next actionable intelligence. That means not only the next time, but the next time where you can actually potentially do something, try to stay in the present. Now that kind of person who’s not coming from a particular religion or spirituality, but is coming from the sense of who’s in front of me. I wanna try to be supportive. I’ve never met you. And I’m the last person most people would think is going to come forward as a celebrity. You know, I’m supposed to be really full of myself, but no, this person is utterly devoted to the greater family.

Robert Strock: (19:34)
And my experience is I’m seeing thousands of people, not directly, but let’s say through the grapevine, I might be seeing 50, but these 50 are seeing thousands of people between them that are really committed to this greater family. This is not an idealistic notion anymore. It was in the sixties and seventies cuz we didn’t see the planet falling apart. We didn’t see the degrees of global dangers, but now it’s pragmatic. Now it’s in our face. Now it’s on our TVs, unless we can’t tolerate it anymore. So again, the appeal is really to see that we wanna move more and more toward this, this tolerance, this generosity, even to a stranger. Yesterday, another friend was driving at a, off a freeway, was waiting on a line and there was a nine-month-old baby completely by themselves left by the side of the road and just evoked tears, massive tears and a phone call to the social services agency. These are the kinds of things that make all the difference that all of us are capable of. We’re all gonna run into a person at the supermarket. We’re all capable of a good vibe that good vibe can translate into more bare tolerance.

Robert Strock: (21:26)
We also need to, as we’re doing this, we need to look at our so-called inner enemies as well. Our doubt, our hatred, our skepticism, our fixed sense of despair, our withdrawal and engage these feelings and don’t let them be the determiners of our life. Looking at these feelings that lead to thoughts that justify the feelings, these are the inner enemies that reinforce the outer enemies that we project because we can’t tolerate. We project that lack of tolerance onto the so-called other enemies. And that’s not to say that I don’t have hatred or rage or everyone of those feelings I just mentioned, but it’s learning how to navigate as we’ve really covered in the earlier part of another podcast Awareness That Heals at, where we’re talking dominantly about the inner world and how do you navigate challenging feelings and find core universal needs that are going to create benefit and not suppress the feelings, but use them to find your needs.

Robert Strock: (23:06)
So, I encourage those of you as you’re struggling with the inner enemies to go to and listen to that podcast. These inner enemies that we have are, what freezes us from being able to shift our outer perspective. So, it requires developing a relationship first, being able to see these withdrawals, these rages, which frankly I don’t have to work very hard to see my own rage, to see my own withdrawal as a tendency that I am dedicating myself to realize it’s not gonna work in this world. It doesn’t work. It never really worked. But now I be, that becomes part of the destruction of life itself. So, the importance of working on the inner world and the missing conversations, both ways is utterly crucial. So, in really winding down this episode and tying in our dedication and loyalty and our training and our conditioning for millennia toward families and loyalty and our loyalty toward religions and spirituality, or maybe antispirituality, we can see the dangers of living in a tunnel of narrowing our focus, narrowing our capacity to be caring, to contain what is really destructive and to be able to look at our greater family as being our family more and more, even if it’s an inch at a time.

Robert Strock: (25:16)
And as I’m saying this, I’m hoping that these words don’t have to wait 5 years, 10 years to make sense at this primal emotional level for you. Do you have a chance, if you’ve listened this far, you know, there’s a part of you that wants to bring this into your life. You wanna be more present, you wanna be more inclusive, you wanna bring your religion or spirituality or your beliefs to expand a little bit more. You wanna be nicer, not only to your wife or husband or kids, but also to the person in the grocery store. You, you want to have the people that you’ll never see be in your heart as an intention. At least even though you’ll never visualize them. And that core intention is so important.

Robert Strock: (26:20)
And this focus on lessening hate and gaining strength is so important because hate is false strength. That’s what it is. And we need to convert that, transform that. And not just in 10 years, we can’t afford waiting 10 years and you are very likely at the forefront, no matter what kind of small orbit you’re running in or not. And the question is, are you touched enough to wanna keep asking these questions to go to one of, one of your go-to people, one of your closest friends or family members or most receptive politician and start to spread the message of yes, greater family, more boundaries. Now there’s, it’s a certain kind of centerist position. If I look at left and right of the politics where the left is representing the theoretical inclusion of everyone that doesn’t have the boundaries, it doesn’t have the strength look at the borders.

Robert Strock: (27:46)
How can we not set a clear limit and take good care of people? The answer isn’t yet in our parties, they don’t have this combination of inclusion and strength, and it’s not an easy answer. It’s gonna require all of you, all of us to keep contemplating, how do I, how do you, how do we actualize this in our life? So, my prayer is that you and all of us bring this into the new conversation instead of the missing conversation. And the conversation is internal and external and the enemies so called are inside and outside. And we’re not just fixated on the outside enemies. And we have the capacity to actually witness and observe and develop a relationship with our rage. Not just let it act out and not suppress it, and our hatred and our withdrawal. So, as you take this in, join me in wishing or praying or whatever way you would say it, that you are looking at this greater family potential. And this recognition for a combination of bare tolerance at least, harmlessness at least. And when needed, animalistic strength, not violence, not rage, but animalistic strength. And I hope this makes sense to you. Thanks so much.

Robert Strock PhoitoJoin The Conversation
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